For Those Afraid of Traveling Alone

Posted on November 8, 2009 - by Janice

In one evening I encountered two thoughts about fear. When ideas converge like that, I just have to write about them.

According to a recent post by Seth Godin, people are “afraid of anything with too many choices, too many opportunities, to look foolish or to waste time or money.” In Steven C. Lunden’s, CATS, The Nine Lives of Innovation “The doubts and fears accumulated over a lifetime are there, in part, to keep us safe and secure. They can also serve as a straight jacket preventing innovation.”

Don't worry. Be happy.

Solo travel is full of choice, opportunity, occasions to look foolish and waste money. On the flip side, home is safe and secure. But is life in a straight jacket what you want? Personally, I think it’s important that fear doesn’t stop people from traveling alone.

I have met many, many people over the course of writing this blog who have come out and declared their inclination to travel alone. They have felt freed to speak about this choice as positive rather than a sad option. Unfortunately, there are also many people who are fearful of traveling alone.

One of the first steps in facing any fear is to name it. Break it down to see the source of the fear and determine whether it makes sense or not.

What do people fear about traveling alone?
So I put this question to my favourite crowd-sourcing forum, Twitter. Not everyone who follows me on Twitter actually travels solo so this is my best source of a random sample. It includes people who enjoy traveling alone and those who don’t. Here’s what I heard…

@HowdyFrom – 1) looking lonely to others 2) not being able to share the experience.

@20sTravel – safety would be number 1 for me. I should add that it’s really my mother’s fear about my traveling alone more than mine

@rtwDave – Serious illness.

@cultoftravel – Fear of being lonely

@Dtravelsround – Getting wallet/pport/etc. stolen w/no support

@Spitfirekixee – Greatest fear re traveling–getting scammed by crafty businessfolk who prey on “tourist-looking” peeps.

@jianantonic – My biggest (only?) solo travel fear is getting lost. Having to figure out an unfamiliar place on my own is nerve-wracking.

And, I love this one…

@vrdeals – 1 fear: having no one to back up all the stories you come home with!

Deconstructing my fears
I still get nervous when traveling alone. I’m not afraid but I am nervous. It’s not for my safety as I trust most people and I’m careful. I’m not anxious about getting lonely because I’m quite capable of starting conversations. I don’t worry about sharing the experience because I know that I will have to relate the stories too often for my liking when I return.

No, my worry is about me being clumsy with my documents and time. I worry about missing flights and misplacing tickets. I don’t think they’ll be stolen, I think I’ll place them down absentmindedly and lose them.

So, with this understanding, I use the appropriate tactics when traveling alone. I plan my time carefully. I use my project management skills and start with the deadline and back up each step of the way along a time line – with extra time built in for the unexpected – to know my starting time. I have also established a specific place for documents every time I travel and developed the habit of using it.

Deconstructing your fears
I invite you to break down your fears about traveling alone the way I have. Get to know them. Dismiss what isn’t real and develop tactics for what is. And watch the “How to Travel Alone” section of this blog for strategies to deal with many fears about traveling alone.

This entry was posted on Sunday, November 8th, 2009 at 6:40 am and is filed under Perspectives. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

13 Comments

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February 21, 2010

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admin said:

Thank you, Gwen, for such a thoughtful and valuable contribution. I especially love your comment that: “safety is an inside job”. I think that warrants a whole post.
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February 21, 2010

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Gwen McCauley said:

Hi Janice

As you know I LOVE solo travel and have done lots of it. One of the joys of getting older is that many of the issues we have at younger ages simply fade away.

In fact, age actually starts to become an advantage in many parts of the world where having some gray hair actually gets you brownie points. We North Americans are pretty much the only ones who ignore or de-value older folks.

I’m always amazed when I travel these days at how willing many young men, in particular, are to take time to chat with me, even to flirt a bit! I’m sure they see me as their grandmother, but that’s perfectly OK with me. I get to meet more interesting people, find out about issues in a locality as the younger generation sees them and gets hints and tips on what happening things I should check out.

I’m a big believer that safety is an inside job. The safer you feel about yourself inside yourself, the safer you’ll find the outside world. Now that doesn’t mean that I flaunt common sense either at home or abroad, but it also means that I know my self confidence and self assurance makes me much more likely to be the one a hustler or scammer passes by.

Keep up the good work encouraging people to get out there and discover our wonderful world instead of waiting for someone to join them.
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November 10, 2009

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Richard said:

Traveling alone can be a very daunting prospect but if you’ve done your research, have the local knowledge you can be more confident and have a very rewarding experience.

In my travels I have found traveling alone can give you a sense of who you are, what you really want from your experiences. You will often meet like minded people who want to share moments with you.

The better educated you are on the place your visiting, understanding the history, culture and reasons why things happen the richer and safer your experience.
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November 9, 2009

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Kelly said:

I didnt travel for nearly a decade because I didnt want to travel by myself. I thought I would look pathetic to others, or be lumped in with happy couples and feel out of place. Fear also played a large part: what if I got lost? How to I decide where to go? Wont I be lonely? How will I meet people?

At 35 I decided I’d wasted enough time and left home by myself for a year-long trip that has now turned into a 16 month sojourn in New Zealand and Asia. The irony? I love travelling alone and get a little bothered when I have to make plans with other people. It’s so much easier by yourself! You get to go where you want, when you want, and are never late because of someone else’s punctuality issues.

If you stay in guesthouses and backpackers, you WILL meet other people to explore places with (and not just students on Gap Years. People of all ages stay in budget accommodation). The reality is that you are only alone when you want to. There’s always going to be someone to do things with if you want there to be.

Happy travels!
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November 9, 2009

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Stephanie said:

Thanks for including me (@20stravel) Janice! The safety issue is quite a contentious one between me and my family. I think it stems mainly from a lack of first-hand knowledge and a lot of preconceived notions about third world countries. Many fears stem from ignorance so I’m working on educating them a bit more about these issues.
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November 9, 2009

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Lawrence said:

When traveling alone I take a handheld GPS unit with me. I mark the location of the hotel and other sites and destinations. I can either mark them at the location I am located at or get longitude and latitude off of many different webpages on the Internet. So by doing this I am really never lost as I have information on my GPS as to routing and distance back to a known site. This really builds my confidence to explore alone. Note…Solo Traveler is a great website!!
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November 9, 2009

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Gray said:

Was just discussing with someone on Twitter last night that not knowing how to speak the language in a foreign country can cause some anxiety. That’s probably my biggest fear–not being able to communicate with people if I need to–but it won’t stop me from traveling.
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November 9, 2009

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hoboannie said:

I spent my life in fear…of looking foolish, of appearing incompetent, of doing the ‘wrong’ thing, of not pleasing others enough. When, at the urging of my new husband, I took my first trip alone at age 40 I was so petrified I nearly passed out at the LAX international gate. I had never been overseas, it was just six months since I’d watched the planes bring down the towers and I couldn’t believe I was doing something so crazy and spontaneous. The only words of advice my wise husband said to me as I left him at the airport curb: “All you have to do is get on the plane.” It was true. Once I made it onto that terrifying beast and we were up in the air…every anxiety left me. I could not stop this now, could not do any more last minute frantic planning, no one was relying on me, every decision from hereon out would be mine alone.I was…free. Seven years later I am still traveling solo, and have filled many journals with the wonders of Paris, London, Shanghai, Beijing, Florence, Rome, Venice, Yellowstone, the Grand Canyon, the Pacific Coast…and the Costa Rica 2010 journal awaits its journey. The pure wonder of traveling solo can and does offset any fears of loneliness. My journals provide a way for me to share each experience with those I love…later. I am free to be completely imersed in each new place and experience it as I go, without worry about the needs of anyone traveling with me. It has changed my life.
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November 9, 2009

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cailin said:

Great post. I agree people have a lot of fear of traveling solo and just like @20sTravel its my mother who has more fear about me traveling alone than I do myself. Aside from traveling solo I think people just also have a big fear of being solo altogether – I have on occasion gone to a movie or dinner by myself, when that is what I feel like doing and no one else is around to come with and I have other friends who would be so afraid of doing that that they don’t even see it as an option. Also you won’t know if its really scary or not until you try it!
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November 9, 2009

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flor said:

well, this is really funny, Im planning a 40 day trip to europe and I dont have noone to to with yet.
I dont think I´ll enda up traveling alone but just the idea makes me nervous.
Why? well, Im independent and handful, but the truth is that being near home there is always someone to reach in case…
and of course, who is going to take photos!!! I want to be in some. This is just a joke of course.
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November 8, 2009

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jessiev said:

i don’t like traveling alone because i need help with accessibility. that said, i do prefer some alone time, and we usually arrange that, as well.
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November 8, 2009

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Zoe Dawes said:

Great to share these views – it is an area we don’t talk about enough. I used to fear not meeting people to share the journey with and being on my own too much … and, like you and many others losing my money, tickets and passport. All have happened – and the world did not end

Now, on the occasional times I do travel alone, I try to banish fear and enjoy the moment… Zoe