The Needy Solo Traveler – knowing when to travel solo.

Published October 5, 2011 | By solotraveler

The needy solo traveler took this photo as we boarded the ship.

He spotted me as I was standing in line to board the bus that would take us to the Ferry heading from Puerto Montt to Puerto Natales, Chile – the gateway to Patagonia.

I could tell that he spotted me and I also knew that I didn’t want his attention.

I was traveling solo and so was he. I found my seat and, unfortunately, the seat beside me was still available when he got on board. Sure enough, he sat down and started talking.

He was in his 7th month traveling solo. He had left his home frustrated by life, in search of life. And he wasn’t quite sure what that was. He was lonely. He needed companionship. He was needy.

The Wrong Time to Travel Solo

I was recently contacted by a young man who is homeless and wondering whether traveling solo, long term would be right for him and, if so, how he could make it happen. Wow. That’s a pretty heavy question to ask a travel blogger. What do I know of his life, his health, his family situation?

Thinking of this young man made me think of the man on the ferry and that there are times that are right to travel solo and times that are not. If you’re going short term, for a week or two. the issue isn’t so great. A couple of weeks of peace, to clear one’s head, is typically a good thing. Long term travel may be another story.

You Can’t Run Away from You

Long term travel requires more personal resources than short term. If you’re going through a phase when you are less sure of yourself than normal, if life is off kilter, it may not be the right time to go. While in most situations solo travel is confidence building, if you are actually trying to run away from your life issues, you may find that they follow you and compromise your ability to cope, never mind have fun.

Traveling long term requires the personal strength to be completely responsible for your own safety, to handle every decision to be made and navigate every logistical situation. It requires you to spend many hours – even days – on your own and to handle difficult times like getting sick. Clearly, traveling long term solo is better for those who are healthy physically and mentally.

The Right Time to Travel Solo

But all needn’t be perfect to travel solo long term. Such trips can change lives – for the better. They are great if you are:

Confused and trying to figure out your next step after university.
Struggling with a career crisis
Getting over a lost love.

The point is, it’s the right time to travel solo long term if you are addressing an issue in your life. However, it may not be if you are addressing your life in general. Naturally, there will be exceptions to this but I do caution people from taking off on a long trip solo when their personal issues are high and resources are low.

There were many happy (not needy) solo travelers on the Navimag.

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ericaled

I totally agree with you, Tracy. Solo travel for me is better than therapy, better than yoga and exercise, better than being in my hometown with family and old friends. It’s the best way I know to reconnect with who I am, what’s important to me and what I enjoy doing, even if I am sometimes lonely and lost along the way. Of course, this approach isn’t the best for everyone!
Veritas

Interesting perspective, but I wouldn’t judge the “needy” traveler too harshly. We’ve all gone down that lonely street at one point or another in our lives.
http://twitter.com/TracyAntonioli Tracy Antonioli

i feel like it is more of a ‘who you are’ than ‘where you are’ sort of situation. i’ve traveled solo a lot–occasionally to escape. and i’ve always come away stronger. and have never been needy. to me, solo travel is an extension of who i naturally am–strong, independent, adventurous. so it is the perfect solution to any sort of personal strife i may be experiencing. solo travel allows me to be more…me. and in my limited experience, being ‘more me’ is always healing.
http://www.alexberger.net AlexBerger

In general the Hollywood re-write of more traditional concepts leaves something to be desired. In the case of solo travel though, I always love the concept of a walkabout. I know the 3 month solo trip I did after graduating from Undergrad was a life (and perspective changer). Definitely about timing, but also about the approach you take and understanding what needs you may have, while being open to the unexpected.
solotraveler

Thanks Kirsten. It is an interesting issue.

It was great to see you again in London. In Umbria next I hope – or maybe sooner.
http://www.aviatorsandacamera.com/ Kirsten Alana

Thank you for sharing this Janice. A truly appropriate issue to bring up and one I’m grappling with a bit myself right now. This really resonates with me: “I do caution people from taking off on a long trip solo when their personal issues are high and resources are low.”

So glad our travels have recently brought us together a few times. You’re such an inspiration to me and I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you a bit better by knowing you face-to-face. xo
Silver Jewelry Jaipur

really man it is just awesome great work so nice
http://solotravelerblog.com Janice Waugh

Thanks Abi. It was an interesting email to receive. It challenged me to think it through.
http://twitter.com/insidetravellab Abigail King

What a lovely, thoughtful post. This line in particular resonated with me “Wow. That’s a pretty heavy question to ask a travel blogger. What do I know of his life, his health, his family situation?” One of the things I love about the internet is how it has opened the doors of communication between people across the globe in a single email…yet it’s reassuring to read bloggers who still have their feet on the ground with regards to the advice they hand out!
http://thejungleprincess.com Abby

I didn’t realize until now that I have been waiting for this post! I haven’t been guilty of being a needy solo traveler. (But I have plenty of other “issues” no worries!) But I have met up with others who I never could put my finger on what was wrong… Thank you.
http://solotravelerblog.com Janice Waugh

Hi Matthew, I think you’re right. It is up to the individual. But, like you say, support networks are important. We all need them. You can travel solo, you can take a break from lots of things, but you can’t run away from everything and everyone.
Matthew Cheyne

In 2001 when I traveled solo to Sydney for five months I was running away from many issues in my life (mainly lost love) although I didn’t realize that until half way through my time there.

That said I think it really comes down to an individual’s resilience or better put somebodies ability to be able to bounce back from whatever life throws at them. I think this is a critical factor that decides whether somebody is cut out for solo travel, especially long term travel. You can have issues in your life and be able to make a go of solo travel however and this is where I think people like the guy you mentioned fall down is that they lack support networks that help them maintain resilience whilst their on the road.
http://spinsterstravels.wordpress.com Spinster

Good food for thought.
Hilarn47

Very true- where ever you go there you are!! Not my original quote of course but I like it a lot,
Anonymous

Great insight. I frequently travel solo and enjoy it, but I recently went out of my way to book a “group” trip (for solos/singles) because I realized that given some issues I am dealing with in my life that I would not be happy being alone all the time. When you embark on a solo trip, there is always the chance you will meet people, but you should never do so based on the assumption that you will – you must be comfortable with the idea you will truly be solo for the entire trip.
Teo823

even when you travel solo you are never really alone. you can regulate how much contact you want with other people, be a whole new person, explore, do new things you would not normally do. i find it so liberating and it gives you so much time to think. there is an odd lonely moment but you just grab a book, chat with someone or realize that you are missing something that is dear too you and acknowledge the importance it has in your life.

Cheers,
Teresa
(10 weeks in Europe – week 2)
Anonymous

I’ve always traveled as a couple if not with family and friends. I’ve traveled solo maybe a few times but never really enjoyed it as much. You’re so right that there’s a place and time for traveling solo and it may not be for everyone!
Pingback: Weekend travel reading - when to travel solo, Alaska cruise | Budget Travel Adventures
http://solotravelerblog.com Janice Waugh

Hi Jeremy.

I knew that there would be exceptions.

In every life there are times of healing and we must find our way through them. I’m very glad for you that you did and travel could be part of it. Travel can be cathartic and healing. Heck, this whole blog has been about catharsis and healing for me (around the loss of my husband).

Cheers!
Janice
http://www.budgettraveladventures.com/ Jeremy Branham

Janice, I have to admit I’ve been guilty of both. I’ve done getting over a lost one and running away from myself at the same time! I guess I was a bit needy at times but it was also cathartic and a bit healing as well.
http://www.midlifepassion.com Peggy McPartland

So true, Janice! It makes me sad to see someone struggling like that. And you can see them coming whether you’re traveling across town or across the world. You simply can’t run away from yourself.
http://solotravelerblog.com Janice Waugh

Thank you Bruce. Your comment is reassuring.
Bwbean

As a psychologist I found your comments provocative and insightful. As a writer of my own blog http://Www.travelandphototoday.com I have read and enjoyed several of you previous articles as well. Thanks – Bruce
http://twitter.com/freakytravel Jeremy

It’s so true! I actually started traveling for all three of the reasons you stated! It has to feel right, as if you’re doing the appropriate thing in your life. Long-term solo travel is not an opportunity to run away, it’s an opportunity to resolve the imbalance in ones life.
http://www.allisonwrites.com Allison

I was just thinking about this issue myself! I think, for me, it’s most important to know which trips I’d prefer to take with others and when being alone would feel right to me. I’ve traveled mostly alone lately, shorter-term trips, but after traveling with someone (also short-term), I really got used to that!
http://solotravelerblog.com Janice Waugh

What a great way of putting it. Thanks!
Defisherbrat

Traveling solo *created* the need for me to address everything in my life that I thought was perfect. Heck of a lot crazier now but a whole lot more authentic…
Anonymous

Wow, there is a lot of truth here. While I don’t have much experience traveling solo, I know travel in general can be bad if you’re not in the right state of mind. It offers a brief opportunity of escape from everyday life, but only for a brief moment.
http://www.facebook.com/willowjoncollamer Willow Jon Collamer

Great article. I traveled to Thailand, Cambodia and Loas for three months and I got a little lonely here and there, but I met some great new friends and enjoyed the spontaneousness of my adventure. Check out the videos at willowjon.com or on youtube under travelingexposed.

Willow Jon Collamer

The Needy Solo Traveler – knowing when to travel solo.

The Wrong Time to Travel Solo

You Can’t Run Away from You

The Right Time to Travel Solo

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