The Solo Traveler Blog

What is lonely? And why don’t I feel so when I travel alone?

Killbear 1 1023x767 What is lonely? And why don’t I feel so when I travel alone?

Sunrise over Georgian Bay

When I travel alone, I’m rarely lonely. Yet, when I went camping last weekend with my son and his girlfriend, I was. Why would this be? Given that many people ask me about loneliness as I travel solo I thought I should take some time to explore its meaning.

Lonely and alone are two different things.

Over the weekend, I took stock. Was I lonely all the time? When was I most lonely? What were the circumstances? What did lonely feel like?

Well, I wasn’t lonely all the time. I was lonely at very specific times. Odd times. I was lonely when I put up the tarp over the picnic table. I was lonely sitting at the fire in the late afternoon – not the morning or evening – just the late afternoon. And, I was lonely walking down the road to the washroom at night.

What was it about those ordinary moments that made me feel so? Well, here you go. I used to watch my late husband take a running leap off the cooler and up a tree to tie up the tarp. It always amazed me. The glass of wine around the afternoon fire was our customary prelude to dinner. The night walk to the washrooms had been a late evening ritual for the two of us. Essentially, I was lonely when doing something that could not be shared with him in the way I wanted.

Ah, but when I travel alone…

My husband and I were great travelers. Every summer we would pack up the kids and take off. In 01/02, we did it for ten months. Would it be nice to still be able to do this? Absolutely. But the travel I do now is separate from the travel we did then. It has its own unique qualities that I love just the way they are. When I travel alone, he is with me but I don’t feel lonely for him because I am not repeating routines or rituals that we shared. Unlike camping, I am forging anew rather than revisiting the past.


It’s hard to be lonely if you really want to travel alone.

Some people turn to tours, cruises or resorts when they travel alone. I don’t understand this choice because I find that these group affairs make me feel lonely. I look around at all the people coupled or in groups and feeling like an outsider.

So I avoid these situations that cause me to feel lonely. I don’t seek what I can’t have but reach for what I can. I create a fabulous plan A (there’s more than one approach to great travel) and travel alone rather than accept what I consider to be a mediocre plan B.

As for camping? Well, I love it and will do it some more. Eventually, those ordinary moments will take on less significant and I will introduce new rituals that become dear to my heart.

Related posts:

  • http://valunboxed.blogspot.com/ Valerie

    Trying to get people to understand “Alone” is not “Lonely” is almost as exhausting as traveling with other people. The differentiation is laid out quite well here and I thank my lucky stars for not letting anyone or anything get between me and my solo journeys!  

  • http://www.theprofessionalhobo.com Nora

    What a brilliant and sensitive way to differentiate feeling lonely from feeling alone.
    Thank you; I hope it inspires a few more solo travelers-to-be to book that plane ticket.

  • http://www.wanderingeducators.com/marketplace/apparel/dansko-shoes-review.html jessiev

    you’re right – i am most lonely when i miss people in the MOMENT that we’ve shared, and are experiencing again. brilliant essay.

  • christine

    I agreed with you 100%. The routine that we used to do is no longer there to share with your love one that makes us feel lonely. The routine that we used to do alone does not change so that’s why we do not feel lonely. I love to travel but prefer to have a friend just to discuss, to talk, to share a good experience.

  • Amy MacLeod

    What a heart-depth article. Lonliness for me is not cured by having other people around, it is ‘cured’ by having a sense of intimacy – with one person, with a memory, with meditation, etc. Oddly enough, that inner sense can be taken away by having people around with whom one is expected to engage.

  • http://www.journeywoman.com Evelyn Hannon

    Wonderfully wise words. Brava!

  • http://twenty-somethingtravel.com Stephanie

    This is a lovely article. I often feel more alone in large crowds than I do when actually on my own. I think that it’s important to really have a handle on your emotions and what makes you comfortable and uncomfortable. This is especially true when traveling when you are throwing yourself into so many unpredictable situations- you want to be in your best mental state.

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