Posted on June 11, 2009 - by Janice
A Message to Young Solo Travelers
I didn’t see it coming. I don’t know why. I should have.
My youngest son had just about every one of his July birthdays on the road. At two, he was headed west and celebrated at a Swiss Chalet in Thunder Bay. At three, I poached him a cake on a Coleman stove at a campsite in Newfoundland. His 5th was in the south of France. At 11, we actually took him out of school for a year to travel.
You get the idea. He was raised to travel. I now blog on solo travel. Why I didn’t see a solo trip on the horizon, I do not know. But then I heard it. His announcement: I’m planning to travel solo.
Is age a factor?
My son is not quite 19. I had to think back. When was my first solo trip? 28. Hmm, big difference. He was raised on travel. Was I? No. This, I believe, is an even bigger difference. This, and his natural good sense, gives me confidence in him as a solo traveler.
But trust me, since he announced his intentions, I’ve had my ‘yikes’ moments. He has a few things to put into place before he goes so I have time to adjust to all this but it has made me stop and think: what does he – and every young traveler – need to know as they set out solo?
Focus on what’s important
What I think he needs to know and what he wants to know may be two different things. What’s most important to me is his safety. But, to most people his age, that’s easy. What’s most important to him is living life large!
As a parent, if I want to communicate something that is important to me, and be heard, I need a strategy.
Approach #2: get his attention by acting out of character.
Approach #0: suggest that he read my post of 50 safety tips. He won’t.
So I sat down and thought about what I really need him to hear. What’s critical. What’s at the very root of safety. Here’s what I came up with:
o Money can be replaced.
o Opportunities will arise again.
o You don’t have to be polite.
o You can be selfish and serve your needs first.
As I wrote these I realised that I’m asking him to break just about every rule he was raised on. That’s out of character for me. Maybe this is something he will hear.
A message to my son, and all kids, traveling solo
“When traveling solo, you are a leader of one – you. Choose your own path. Have a fabulous time. Your only responsibility is to be safe. If this means losing your money, missing an opportunity, being rude or acting selfish, you have my blessing.”
Naturally, as the preparations are made, there will be occasions to speak to the small details of safety like regular communication, keeping your passport secure, how to carry money, that public places are safer than private… but the key issue of being aware of and caring for personal safety would hopefully have been communicated with this ‘break the rules’ message.
Words of inspiration from Dr. Seuss
Ultimately, I’m thrilled with the idea of my son traveling solo. While Dr. Seuss wrote this poem for a graduating class, it clearly expresses my enthusiasm for youth going out and exploring the world.
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes.
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You’re on your own.
And you know what you know.
And YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go.
… the poem continues and is wonderful.
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November 26, 2009
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JJ said:
I was 26 before I travelled solo! I tried to take a solo trip when I was 24 and my Mom weasled her way into going. Really upset me.
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July 4, 2009
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admin said:
Thanks for contributing. Yes, it’s hard for parents to let kids go. I know its difficult for me and I raised my kids to travel. If you were sheltered it must have been especially difficult for your mom. But I’m glad she’s now traveling and will hopefully support your future travels.
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July 4, 2009
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Lornadahl said:
My first solo travel was at age 23. Being sheltered all my life, I was more of frightened than excited. Prior to this, I had lied to my mum about my destination or objective (data gathering vs. vacation). Man, I was fulfilled to discover the unparalleled joys of [domestic] solo travels!
I’ve always been happy about my experiences, except for my mum’s lack of support. Eventually, she traveled abroad and probably understood the highs of travel. I noticed she’s changed. She became more accepting of my trips.
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June 18, 2009
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Shae said:
I took my first trip when I was 20. I was solo and had never been outside the states. My parents nearly died. But they raised me well over time and gave me their specific, worried advice when the time came. And everything turned out great. You’ve trained him his entire life to be able to do something like this. Have faith in your own abilities as a parent.
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June 15, 2009
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admin said:
It’s so amazing to think of so many young people out traveling. The more we travel the more we appreciate the world and each other. I think this bodes very well for the future.
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June 15, 2009
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kat calvin said:
Don’t worry! I took my first solo trip at 20 and it was fantastic! I’m 25 now and by myself in SE Asia and have met up with tons of 18/19 year olds who are on the road and having a blast! Plus, there are wifi cafes everywhere so we can all keep up with our moms!!
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June 12, 2009
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admin said:
I totally agree. Your friend got it. I hope her son heard — I suspect he did because it’s very concise and, ultimately liberating. Rather than think of 50 ways to stay safe, focus on what you need to keep safe and hopefully the 50 will follow.
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June 12, 2009
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Carmen said:
I can completely relate to this. About to take off for a year with my 3 (ages 16, 14 and
I realize I’m probably planting the seed of a travel bug that someday will take them from me. It’s scary.
I once had a friend describe her chat with her teenage son about safety. It went something like “there are a lot of problems you could get yourself into that I can help fix but there are others that I can’t fix and you won’t be able to fix either (like damage to your body). Your responsibility is to prevent what is unfixable.” Not the exact words but I thought the message was well put. Good luck to you and your son!
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June 12, 2009
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admin said:
Thanks for the encouragement to both of us!
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June 12, 2009
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Susan said:
Heartfelt angst reading this – as I anticipate the inevitability of being in your shoes in a decade or so. So many easy ways to keep in touch and what better resource than Solotraveler for a mom – if he is wise enough to recognize this ( I know he is). However, I believe it is impossible for a mom not to worry. It is all good and it will be an experience of a lifetime – best education money can buy.
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June 11, 2009
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admin said:
Thanks Brian! I think you’re right.
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June 11, 2009
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brian from nodebtworldtravel.com said:
He’s ready. You trained him for this trip all these years without realizing it.
I’m a lot older than him and my Mom was worried, so it’s a natural reaction. Just have him keep in close contact with Skype and a light netbook and a rough idea of where he’ll be when.